Change

People say they can change but honesty I think habits are hard to break when I went back things got worse. It got so bad that when I went back if we got into an argument it was a big deal. It was something I wasn't going to take any more so it ended for good I filed for divorce and haven't been back since.
  Now I am with a good man who I love very much and hoping he loves me the same lol and been together for over a year and haven't even been in an argument with him. Maybe its to good to be true I don't know. Lately our struggles are getting the best of us and may be taking a toll on our relationship.
  The economy sucks right now for any one and having a house hold of seven strains a lot. Its seems like we can never budget correctly. We work to live not for fun but  every relationship has to have their "us" time which we don't get and don't complain but it would be nice. I'm taking some initiative and trying really hard to budget now cause I'm tired of being BROKE.

In the beginning everything was fine

  When me and my other half got married it was last minuet and unexpected. His mom was like, well there is a Halloween party and the host just happens to be an ordained minister wouldn't it be cool if you got married there.
  We agreed and the next night we had a crazy wedding and was married by a lady dressed as Elvira. You know the lady on TV dressed in the black dress with big boobs. Rings a bell now huh. The bad thing was is that it was HIS moms friends. I didn't know anyone there I felt like It was almost a shot gun wedding.
  We laughed about it and told people over time we were married and the responses we got from people were a little more harsh than words of happiness. Know one in my family approved of what we did that we should have waited and got married in a church. We didn't have that kind of money, we took what we could get, we were young and stupid and didn't care.
  After we told everyone things started to get bad in our relationship. We stopped talking to each other, we couldn't agree on the smallest things, and he started to get violet. I had many of chances to leave but felt like I had to stay, through sickness and in health I would think. That I could get through this and change him and we would go on and be a family.
  No matter what I did, it wasn't right.No matter how many hours I pulled at work it wasn't enough, I needed to get away before my daughter grows up thinking this is how all men act.
  For four years I dealt with the arguing, the loss of a child, our first son, in a car accident, the birth of another son and the loss of another son due to miscarriage till I decided enough was enough. All the things I've been through and done for this man if he couldn't appreciate me our children, and constantly with the name calling and arguing I just couldn't take it any more. The violence was growing and I had to get out of there before something happened.. So I left for a little while till he convinced me to give it another try and I foolishly gave in and went back.

Life So Far

My life has not been the most ideal up to this point. When I turned 18 I found out I was pregnant and after watching my older sister go through that at 16 I promised myself that I would wait.It just happens sooner than I thought it would. I ended up marrying her father just for the fact I thought it was the right thing to do since I was having his baby, and I thought I might be in love. We spent 4 years together. Through all of it I felt like I could do so much more. Many things happend between is over the years that made me the person I am today. Going into detail right now would take a life time so for now I'll break them down into sections of blogs.